Helpful and Unhelpful Thoughts: Learn to Recognize and Change Your Thoughts

Healthy Thinking Defined

Defining healthy thinking can improve our understanding of the “Road” we travel and how to get back on it! Keep in mind that our thoughts fluctuate from healthy to unhealthy by this definition. Healthy thinking is evidenced in the behavioral outcomes, but also follows a distinct priority. The healthier the thinking, the more it tends to come from a truth-based belief system that honors relationships and offers guidance in all areas of life. In a world where many people are guided almost exclusively by their preferences and feelings relative to some sense of “happiness”, working on healthy thinking will most likely set you apart form others. With practice, you will be wise-minded and could possibly learn to know peace.

Thinking is a process, meaning it is the “how” and “why”, versus the “what”. To identify the nature of healthy thoughts I tend to use the acronym, “A.T.T.I.C.” As you review the list of each of the required components of a healthy thought, consider that one of these criteria cannot be excluded where a thought would continue to be considered “healthy.” There is no trade off. All of the boxes must be checked for a thought to be considered optimally “healthy.” So neglecting one area and not being restored to it will compromise the overall health (A.K.A. wisdom and reasonableness) of your thoughts and related behavior.

So what constitutes healthy thinking? Healthy thinking is…

ADAPTIVE- healthy thinking is adaptive or flexible. It will allow you to recognize reality and make decisions loving and self-controlled decisions within a good moral framework. This does not mean that your thoughts should adapt for popularity, pride, simply “getting along” or other temptations that will lead you to compromise your moral framework or the truth.

TRANSPARENT- healthy thinking is open, discernable, and discussable. It should be “open to discussion” and clear enough to be identified as something, not just “a thing.” A healthy thought is something that can be discussed both in agreement and disagreement with others who follow basic rules of loving communication. Still, a healthy thinker must not simply conform to other people’s ideologies or assumptions. Healthy and wise thinkers remain transparent and honest, even when others may disagree.

TRUE- healthy thinking is honest and righteous. It also conforms with reality in some objective sense. Nothing works without truth. Sadly, for some people, this truth concept is not as individualized as some would like, and it is also not always consistent with our immediate gut reaction, selfish inclinations or feelings.

INTEREST- Healthy thinking involves some level of interest or intentionality, meaning it is a deliberate act, not just instinctual, and that there is some motivational investment in spending time with it. If you are healthy, you are invested in your mind, your heart, your spirit, and its processes as well as the social environment.

CONSISTENT- or COHERENT- As a counterbalance to the adaptive nature of healthy thinking, one thing that sets it apart from chaotic thinking is that flexibility is not without limits. It conforms to patterns, steeped in principles or well-examined convictions. Through that conformity, healthy thinking is oriented toward organization and order as we provide some sense of our world. At the same time, coherent thinking is not always completely conforming to the standards of others. Often people of faith easily make decisions, except the will and attitudes of others can lead to uncomfortable situations. Health is about living in the truth and the light, not about learning to conform to other people’s thoughts and ideas.

In Other Words: Signs or Indications of Healthy Thinking

You are able to access both your emotions and your logical mind consistently to make intentional decisions. This is called a “wise mind” by some authors. This wisdom does not truly belong to us, if we have an advanced belief system, but many believers make confident decisions that indicate they have submitted to a higher calling and purpose, without the need to be enslaved by emotional decisions.

Openness to discussing your thoughts with others, regardless of their attitudes or opinions. You will discuss with others, supposing such conversations are with people who can adhere to basic principles of love, adult communication, and are not given to manipulation.

Openness and ability to change your own thoughts and assumptions if appropriate, but only after consideration of the facts (not just feelings). Again, conviction-based decisions are best. These decisions will make sense and follow a pattern of integrity.

Thoughts are consistent with truth and righteousness. I am able to engage both my emotions (which might be unpleasant) and my wise brain (my sense of right, wrong, and reasonable). In an ideal sense, your thoughts are based in strong moral conviction that provide you an unerring reference point, no matter the circumstance. Not all belief systems are equal, so it is important that you spend time with people who live life well and right.

You recognize that feeling are not thoughts, and they do not direct my behavior (even if they tempt me to react, I recognize that I have a choice). This is the important point of conviction-based decision-making.

Your thoughts, where concerning, are not the biproduct of fear, anger, and they come from a place of loving inter-connectedness with others, versus bravado, deceit, antagonism, competitive urges, compensation or insecurity, callousness, or antagonism. You will feel like there is nothing to prove, because you will be at peace.

You have the ability to interact with your thoughts with some level of usable energy and interest.

Your thoughts can be explained to others. By you, and you may explain yourself to others willingly and without defensiveness, anger, frustration, or disrespect.

Your thoughts, while possibly conceived as emotions, are not concluded because of your feelings. There is a factual basis for them.

What are Some Indications of Unhealthy Thinking?

No one is immune to unhealthy, unwise, or negative thoughts or behavior. Period. In many ways, unhealthy thinking is mostly the inverse of healthy thinking. It may still not be that obvious to you, so friends and acquaintances are valuable in helping us see ourselves from the outside-inward.

1. You notice that you are feeling angry, anxious, agitated, or moody and your thinking supports those feelings. You find it difficult to experience joy or be curious or interested about things around you because of your outlook or assumptions about the world, self or others.

2. You do not want to live or you are thinking about death. Thoughts of death do not include grief-related thoughts, but it is okay to check in with those just in case. (Call 988 or 911 for immediate care)

3. You experience a loss of hope that things will get better or that there is little reason to persist in hope.

4. Thinking others are incapable of understanding you or feeling a sense of ingratitude.

5. You experience recurrent or persistent negative thoughts about anything.

6. You lack empathy, become more self-focused, pity yourself or someone else or begin to believe someone (including yourself) might be “all bad” or “unredeemable”.

7. You begin to pull away from family and friends, and/or stop taking part in activities you enjoy. You do this either from lack of interest in people, contempt or hostility toward people, yourself, the world, or others. Withdrawal due to guilt, shame, or from fear are always signs that you are struggling with emotional health.

8. Your thoughts become inflexible, dramatic or you seem to be seeking to frustrate others or you are experiencing more conflict with others than usual and do not understand why (remember “unhealth” doesn’t always mean you are misbehaving and creating conflict. It can also mean you end up in problematic situations through no fault of your own).

9. You might be reactive, dramatic, fearful in your responses.

10. You desire revenge or justice in a way that would involve you directly. This includes thoughts of violence, but also might be related to thoughts that you wish bad things might happen to others in some much milder way. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing.

11. You may begin to neglect your self-care and engage in isolative, compulsive, or risky behavior.

12. Your behavior is a departure from truth, self-control, or loving behaviors. It could bring you shame. A good test for behavior or thoughts are whether you would want someone you admire for their integrity to see you act it out. If not, you are probably thinking outside of a good moral framework. This would just be a sign to help you recognize that.

13. You are unable to describe your thinking or how you came to a certain decision. You seem uninterested or lack energy toward your own decisions or the impact on others.

14. You experience flashbacks or any other event that significantly impacts your functioning or safety in any area of life.

If you find yourself experiencing one or multiple thoughts or feelings indicated here, you may need to seek the support of a therapist. Most therapists will allow consultations prior to any formal appointments, in case you might want to see if your thoughts might warrant a deeper exploration through regular therapy.

Examine your thoughts, assumptions and feelings

Exercise:

Below are a number of prompts and questions to help you understand your thoughts, feelings and reactions and what might be going on in a deeper sense:

My situation: (what, if anything, happened? Was there an event? Is it a thought or memory? This is often thought of as a “trigger”? When, how often and what specifically is happening in this situation, thought, event or memory? Who said what, to whom, and how is that a problem?)

Unhelpful Thoughts: (Typically “automatic” or recurrent in nature, always negative about yourself, other people, the world or God. These are also often thematic across your life and situations, such as if you are commonly doubtful, negativistic, critical of self or others, etc.)

Feelings: (What physical sensations do you feel, where do you feel them, and what emotional words would you use to label those sensations or your state of feeling.)

Begin to analyze your thoughts and assumptions:

1. List the negative or unhelpful thoughts and learn to list alternate thoughts.

2. After determining the alternates for each of your thoughts, identify evidence for both the unhelpful and the alternate. Ask for help from trusted friends or people in your circle of trust.

3. Look for patterns, ask others for feedback and be ready to receive feedback. Check your pride and make sure these people are trustworthy, kind, and live good lives. If you cannot find these people in your life, look for them in good places.

4. Seek to grow in flexibility around these negative thoughts, in order that you will not be captive to them! You can do this by reading, talking to other people, watching or listening to inspirational content.

5. Meditate, pray, grieve, study with people who know peace and positivity, learn to be tolerant of others and

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